he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
Randomize
