Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
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