a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
