No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
did you just send me my own nude
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
Randomize
