i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
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