Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
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