the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
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