so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
i'm going through the NYU 2014 group looking for future drunken hookups. too slutty?
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
Randomize
