So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
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