Will you blow on my dice?
he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
Randomize
