Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
Randomize
