At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
Randomize
