we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
Even the bartender felt bad for me
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
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