I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
Randomize
