I will die if light touches me.
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
Randomize
