I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
