Got a toothbrush?
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
Found your dick twin last night
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
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