Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
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They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
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I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
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