i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
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