remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
