hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
I haven't been this sober since birth.
My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
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