just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.