make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
29 Of The Most Hilarious And Embarrassing Walks Of Shame Ever
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
These 23 Dudes Get Giddy From Dem Titties
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.