she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
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Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
27 Drunk People That Pissed Off The Cops And Got What They Deserved
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?