I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
Here’s Everything Coming To Netflix This July
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
19 Of The Creepiest (Most Inexplicable) Things People Experienced
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?