living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
Randomize
