As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
On Saturday, I sharted on my roommates dog while trying to make it smell my farts. Today I got security clearance to work for one of the most respected and secretive govt agencies in the US
It's the American dream
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
23 Bisexuals Confess The Biggest Differences Between Dating People Of Each Sex
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
These 25 Ruthless Teachers Embarrassed Their Students
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.