They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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