i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
Randomize
