is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
Randomize
