...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
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