How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
Randomize
