i just google imaged poop.
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
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