she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
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