Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
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