If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
how do flat chested girls get laid?
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
Randomize
