So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
Randomize
