how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
Randomize
