I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
literally had 100 drinks last night.
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
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