It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
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