You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
