he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
try to milk me bitch
Randomize
