did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
Randomize
