News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
Randomize
