just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
I just watched nsync videos for the past half hour and you could totally tell lance bass was gay in all of them
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
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