bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
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