Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
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