A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
Randomize
