So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
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