this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
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