I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
Randomize
