How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Randomize
