He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
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