I need to stop coming to work sober
he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
Randomize
