yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
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