i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
Randomize
