My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
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