there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
Randomize
