my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
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