I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
Randomize
