no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
Randomize
