Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
Randomize
