I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
Randomize