Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
BRING THE BAGELS
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
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