I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
Where??
Against the wall. In corner. Only gave him head though don't worry
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Randomize
