Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
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