Sry I called you an 8
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
Randomize
