is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
Randomize
