I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
Randomize
