that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
Randomize
