I need to stop coming to work sober
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Randomize
