OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
Randomize
