I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
office poll is still running 100% that Spencer Pratt is more disturbing than David Carradine's death
Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
Randomize
