I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
I need to calm my uterus...
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
Randomize
